This is not what I was expecting, but that's ok :)

My plans have changed quite drastically in the past week.

On Sunday I arrived in Punjab to begin my internship, and soon found out that the organization was a crapshoot. I'm not entirely sure if it's a scam, or just incredibly badly conceptualized and run. Basically, I had decided to intern with a local NGO because I wanted to learn from local staff – I wanted to learn about Punjabi culture, about traditional ways of interacting with the environment, traditional ways of water conservation. Instead, I found myself in an organization whose boss, although Punjabi, hadn't lived in a rural setting since childhood, and one local staff member whose job was essentially to pick up interns from various train stations and airports. The real work was done by interns – there were about 30 when I was there. This NGO represents everything that angers me and frustrates me about development – Westerners with no local knowledge going to an area for a short period of time, seeing the situation as an outsider, and trying to be make culturally inappropriate changes to the way of life. That is not the kind of development work I believe in. I truly believe that any project needs to start from the bottom-up, needs to be conceptualized by members of the community who have a real understanding about the needs and possibilities of “improvement.”
Instead of doing something that I truly believe is not only ineffective but counter-productive and wrong, I decided to leave the internship. I argued with the head of the NGO on my last day, telling him that I was not comfortable doing the kind of work that he was asking of me, and that I fundamentally disagreed with his idea that “anyone can do anything without knowing anything” (his word!) He told me that “those were just words” and that maybe he could explain things to me in a way that I could “understand” (please read with the most condescending tone of voice imaginable). I don't know if he was so condescending because I'm a woman, but it was really infuriating. My favorite (least favorite?) line that he told me was when he said that I was closed-minded. “If you're blinded I can't explain to you the color blue.” As if his idea of Westerners trying to change rural Punjab was some sort of absolute truth. That signaled the definite end to my internship. I'm still in “talks” with him to try to get my intern fee back, which I doubt he will have the courtesy to return, but either way, I'm out of there, and am I ever glad about it.

I took a bus to Dharamsala/McLeod Ganj on Friday with one of the interns, where we spent the weekend listening to a public teaching by the Dalai Lama. He talked a lot about the science behind calmness, and the scientific benefits of following Buddhist philosophy, which I found really interesting. I love how Buddhist philosophy encourages self-discovery, reasoning, rationality, and logic, rather than blind faith in a God or dogma. He told a story of being invited to speak at a government function in the state of Bihar. The head of the state gave a speech saying how, “with the grace of God,” Bihar would become successful and achieve its goals. When the Dalai Lama got up to speak, he said that if all Bihar needed was the grace of God, it would have gotten everything by now. Instead, the fate of the state was in the hands of the governor and of the people.

The guy I'd travelled with went back to Punjab on Sunday, so I switched into a cheap hostel with stinky sheets but a nice atmosphere, and began this solitary adventure. And I'm loving it :). I love being able to have diner with other travelers when I feel like it, but being able to sit alone and self-reflect when I don't. I love walking to neighboring villages on my own, whenever I want, stopping to take pictures or have tea at a time that suits only me. I love looking through my guide book, knowing that I have 6 weeks in front of me to do absolutely whatever I want in this vastness of Northern India – being able to choose between the mountains of Sikkim and northern West Bengal, the bustle of Kolkota, the desert of Rajasthan, and more. This country is at my fingertips, and I'm so excited.

I think I will stay in Dharamsala for another day or two, then get a bus to Manali. From there, I will make my way around Himachal Pradesh, Uttarkhand, and Punjab. And then? Who knows...